Sunday, June 30, 2013

a guide to living as a 19-year-old with nothing going for him/herself

art by: tia blais-billie


may 21, 2013.

hate yourself?
throw away half your clothes and buy new shit
do 50 sit ups and floss your teeth
go to the movie theater at midnight
write inspirational quotes on sticky notes'
stop eating so many chips

think you’re stupid?
read a fucking book
try to do well in school instead of the bare minimum
give everything an actual, whole-hearted try before dismissing it
finish what you've started

feeling alone?
call your friends to hang out
text someone you like talking to
walk next door and have a conversation with your sister
look through old pictures you took of people you love

wanting to die?
write a poem
write a terribly terrible short essay
write a song
write a song and sing it like you mean it
STOP READING THAT FUCKING TUMBLR/GET OFF OF TUMBLR IN GENERAL
sit in bed and stare at your wall instead of crying or puking (not that that would happen)

the kulfi co.

I wrote an article on the kulfi co.'s project and their tasting for rubina magazine







Monday, June 24, 2013

weaving through the distance


I will send you my love
in letters and songs
hand selected, ripened to perfection
only my most careful and quiet thoughts
for you to sleep with under your tongue

I'm weaving through the distance
in writing and voicemails
sharpening my senses until you
are safely tucked away in my dreams
seeing your face once again

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

the bad guy


No one believes you because. You’ve heard about it on the news, known a few friends of friends here and there. It can get ugly. But do these things really happen to people like you?

Imagine this: you spent a long day at the factory, working like a dog. You have to stay late because someone bails his shift, leaving you with twice the workload. This drags on four extra hours, then you’re free to go. You don’t have a car, but it’s relatively safe for a 6’4,’’ 250lbs man to walk the streets of Cleveland after dark. Or so you think.

“Salt of the earth,” honest, hardworking. You taught your kids their alphabets, their manners, their loyalty to the flag. Your wife is a schoolteacher; beautiful, smart, can bake a mean apple pie.

So, you’re walking home. You approach a streetlight illuminating a small, quivering figure. As you get closer, you realize it’s a young woman. She seems alarmed.

“Fine night we have here,” you say as you nod your head.

You look at the girl. She has makeup smeared down her cheeks. Her blonde hair is messy. Dirty. She wears a tight, short, green dress and carries a small black purse. You look into her eyes and see vulnerability.

“Ma’am, are you holding up alright?” You ask in your gentlest voice.

You wait. She starts to cry, covers her face with her hands. She tells you she got in a fight with her boyfriend. Dropped her off here on the sidewalk, told her to find her own way home. Thing is, she’s not from around here. Got an accent. Got no idea where to go or what to do. No phone, no money.

Shocked, you reassure the girl that she’s safe, that you’ll take her to Shaker Heights with you. Get her off the streets where your wife will take care of her. She doesn’t answer, but faces the road, leaning over and crying some more.

She turns around with a .45 automatic raised to your face.

“J-Jesus, stay calm,” You stutter.

You’re fucked.

She demands you give her your wallet. All you have is a $5. She throws the wallet to the sidewalk, cursing. Her vulnerability has been replaced by a hard evil. And she’s downright pissed you’ve got nothing. She eyes your wedding band.

“That!” She points to it with her free hand. “Give it to me.”

Anything but that.

Three years of saving went into that goddamn ring. Shit, it was even engraved. ETERNALLY YOURS.

“Now listen…” You try to reason with her.

But she tells for you to shut-the-fuck-up. You panic. You think of your kids, of your wife. Of this gun in your face.

Without realizing, you lunge. You grab her wrist in your left hand, simultaneously squeezing. Hard. With your right hand, you rip the pistol from her fingers and you throw it as far as you can. Splash, into a small pond. The girl freezes. Her face is blank, her mouth contracting like a fish.

“Stay. Calm.” You beg her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

As if that were the cue, she lets out a blood-curdling shriek. A shriek so loud it scares the shit out of you. It’s fucking unearthly. She starts thrashing around, and you’re holding her wrist because you don’t know what to do next. You frantically search the purple night, praying a car rolls by.

“Bro, what are you doing?!” A teenage boy runs across the road towards you both.

You let go of her wrist.

“HELP ME!” The girl screams, “HE’S TRYING TO RAPE ME!”

Your heart sinks into the pit of your body. Your stomach tightens, your head feels faint. No. This isn’t real, it’s some sick, depraved nightmare. This isn’t happening.

“No you don’t understand son, she was trying to rob me. She had a gun!

“What gun?” She says, smirking through her tears.

thoughts at 2:54AM


december 20, 2012.




chapped lips ruby red porcelain
this is you in your only skin


"crowded music"

the feeling of longing, it's painful and drawn out and desperate omg

I can feel my brain pulsing


walking through the cold


february 11, 2013.

walking through the cold
limbs swaying 
pendulum of flesh
detached and detaching still
I feel and do not see
I do not feel 
and cannot see
the deepest encounter
most heated distraction
leaves me still
lifeless

map of a body


february 10, 2013.


head: useless
body: engorged in certain way, uncomplying to present desires, ancient in biological functions, premature in biological functions technically 
heart: tired
soul: crackling underneath a tobacco leaf, still not in flames or emanating the truth