I've seen you four times

april 4, 2014.

the first time I ever saw you:

surf and turf night, oversized crawfish impostors

your scruffy, uneven cut honey sand smeared mess

girl I knew from class, but didn't notice me

the second time I saw you:

sweaty, uncomfortable, fourloko

lipstick drunk (so fucking sweaty)

back against the wall, too cool for me

the third time I saw you:

library, trying to focus

tattoos on your forearm, hello girlfriend

smart, making rounds, making eye contact with me

the fourth time I saw you:

caught off guard, entertaining banalities

plaid dress, crochet, broadway

heart splintered into bloody thump when you walked past me

haikus

february

feel like I'm trippin

academic free fall

I hate being here

++

in the library

buying hazelnut coffee

get out of my way

++

motivation, it's

at an all time low I'd say

started work too late

the future is so close

february 4, 2013.

listening to classical music, wishing I was dancing. wishing this essay was over. overhearing girls talk about "ethnic hair" and how people know how to work it. I'm thinking about tomorrow and how hard it will be to get myself out of bed. I'll open my window and stare at amsterdam avenue like I do every morning, convincing myself to get up within in the next 3 minutes. I'll then chose an outfit that will make me feel comfortable enough to hide in but "fierce" enough to protect.

 its painful, sitting in front of an illuminated screen and gutting your mind for motivation. or maybe even an idea to start to fester into a sort of motivation. there's always that factor of getting sleep, but lately I've been neglecting the necessity. there's the need to get a good grade, but this only throws me off into tangent of anxious confusion. the future seems too close, so close that you can't even make your eyes focus on it because it's pressed against your fucking nose.